http://preventingdepression.com/blog/ This blog was created for you automatically by Yahoo! and Movable Type. en-US Copyright 2009 Wed, 28 Jan 2009 13:52:02 +0000 http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/?v=3.2ysb5-20051201 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Regulating emotions is a term that psychologists use to describe the process of keeping emotional intensity from rising too high or falling too low for the circumstances. This is admittedly a vague standard. On the one hand, we would generally agree that the individual who becomes so angry in his car that he pulls a gun on the person who cut in front of him in traffic is out of balance. It is harder to assess the employee who calls in sick on the day that layoffs are being announced - is that a realistic reflection of emotion in those circumstances? There are many situations that elicit emotions and it is hard to determine what is appropriate in all circumstances. That is one reason why a mindful stance is so important. Rather than getting caught up in a cycle of emotional reaction to situations, where the reaction begins to affect the situation which then leads to more reacting, it is important to be able to take a mindful step back. Breathe. Notice the internal and external state of being in this moment. Be aware of thoughts and impulses that arise. Make decisions about what will be appropriate within this moment, in this particular circumstance. This mindful response means that the emotions are not controlling your response but you can tap into your values to guide you, even in the trying times that occur in your life. John Weaver, Psy.D. http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2009/01/regulating_emotions.html http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2009/01/regulating_emotions.html Wed, 28 Jan 2009 13:52:02 +0000 In one of my mindfulness groups last night, the subject for discussion turned to happiness. Members of the group noticed that making as association between pleasant feelings and being happy is not particularly helpful. Happiness can occur in the midst of difficult circumstances and arise in spite of - or even out of - painful or distressing events. Happiness is more connected to living life in a meaningful context than it is about piling up pleasurable experiences. It is interesting that this awareness emerges from a practice that advocates being "in the moment." But this practice of paying attention to the moment rather than trying to force each moment to be positive, allows the practitioner to notice that each moment, whether it is easy or difficult, contains within it an opportunity to live life richly and fully. John Weaver, Psy.D. http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2009/01/happiness.html http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2009/01/happiness.html Fri, 16 Jan 2009 12:41:00 +0000 The poet, David Whyte writes, "What is precious inside us does not care to be known by the mind in ways that diminish its presence..." (from The Winter of Listening). It is often difficult to recognize that my way of thinking about myself is less than what I can be. I stop myself from trying something new because it does not match my conception of myself. I justify a decision to settle for less because I am convinced that I would fail if I made the attempt - or maybe it is just more comfortable to believe my rationalization than it it to hold the higher standard of expectation that comes from being the best person I can be even when it is inconvenient. One of the challenges of mindfulness is to become familiar with the capacity of our own life to be richer and fuller than we think it can be, and to not diminish what is precious inside us. The mindful exercise is a way to expand beyond the limits of our own expectations. John Weaver, Psy.D. http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/12/listening.html http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/12/listening.html Mon, 15 Dec 2008 12:57:12 +0000 Often individuals who are learning to be mindful comment that they are not really sure they want to pay attention to what is going on in their life. In fact, it is common that mindfulness practices are sometimes used in an attempt to distract from what is going on rather than to engage with the difficulties that are part of life. Why does this happen? If we do not pay attention to what is happening in life, it still happens! And there are consequences for the decisions we make or avoid making. Yet we all do it. It is hard to engage when things are painful or disappointing or even just unexciting. Being mindful does not protect us from trouble, but it does provide a way for us to overcome the challenges in life. I have found that it helps to pay attention without pre-judging myself or the situation. It is better if this is done with intention. I try to expand my awareness to include awareness of my emotional state in the moment, as well as the details of the circumstances. What tools do you find helpful to pay attention? John Weaver, Psy.D. http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/12/attention_to_real_life.html http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/12/attention_to_real_life.html Mon, 01 Dec 2008 20:45:48 +0000 By staying with a mindful awareness when the situation appears to be uninteresting, there is an opportunity to learn something. That is because the "staying with" the mindful awareness is a chance to go deeper into understanding the subtleties of the experience. A simple breath is actually a rich experience of complex physical processes that can be observed. A pause in a busy day - or at the beginning of a day - is a chance to learn what is going on in the emotions and in the mind. This is information that can be useful to have during encounters in the day to day demands of modern life. There are many dimensions of experience that will only be noticed if we pause long enough to give our full attention. It can be tempting to try to fill the moments of boredom with new and exciting experience. But it may be more fruitful to stay with the moment a little longer.... John Weaver, Psy.D. http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/11/an_opportunity_within_boredom.html http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/11/an_opportunity_within_boredom.html Mon, 24 Nov 2008 00:52:26 +0000 The problem of boredom is one that confronts everyone who attempts to live a more mindful life. It occurs during the formal practice of a meditation, but also shows up in daily activities. The experience of boredom can result in a "dulling" of awareness or a sense of disconnection from the present moment. When this happens during the formal mindfulness practice, you may find yourself becoming sleepy during the meditation. Often it is part of the resistance to continuing the practice. It seems as though the mindfulness practice is so familiar and so routine that it is difficult to muster any enthusiasm for it. This is a part of the normal rhythm of paying attention to life as it unfolds. The belief that some aspect of your life is dull and routine can be seen only as a belief. It is not a fact. Many of the greatest insights of the great minds have arisen from looking again at something that we all thought was ordinary, and finding something new and exciting. Some questions for discussion: What is your first sign that you are becoming bored? What helps you to move through your resistance and look again at an ordinary part of your meditation or daily life? What are the circumstances that make it difficult for you to escape from being bored? John Weaver, Psy.D. http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/11/dealing_with_boredom.html http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/11/dealing_with_boredom.html Mon, 17 Nov 2008 12:45:27 +0000 Most of the great spiritual leaders of history drew lessons from observing nature. Lessons about not being anxious, generosity, and compassion are compared to the workings of the world around us. In the modern world, we are at risk of being cut off from these lessons because we can cut ourselves off from nature. We protect ourselves from cold and hot. We have abundant food choices that do not depend on local growing cycles. We speed from one location to another. What do we miss by insulating ourselves from the earth's rhythms? Anxiety plagues Western societies. We have ample examples of narcissism run amok. People seem to have more but be less satisfied with their lives. Mindfulness of the natural world seems to offer the opportunity to break through our mindless pursuit for a trivial goal and put us in touch with something that is larger and more powerful than any single individual. Perhaps the spiritual leaders of the past were trying to draw our attention to an important way to learn lessons of wisdom. John Weaver, Psy.D. http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/08/natural_mindfulness.html http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/08/natural_mindfulness.html Sun, 17 Aug 2008 12:48:08 +0000 It is difficult to remain mindful when the world around you is relatively calm and peaceful, early in the morning or late in the day when you sit for your daily practice. It can seem impossible to be mindful when you are in the middle of your busy day, with children demanding attention or work pressures mounting or stuck in a traffic jam. These times of high demand are times when it is even more helpful to be paying attention on purpose, in the present moment and without judgment. You might notice that this definition does not require that you remain calm in the face of these pressures. It is normal, during the busyness of the day, to have a range of feelings that reflect the interaction between the yourself and your environment. If you are mindful, while you have many feelings, you will be able to allow them to arise as they are appropriate and then let them go when they are no longer helpful. If some event irritates you, that irritation does not need to be carried over to the next event that does not normally cause irritation. Mindfully, you are aware of the source of the irritation, make a decision that is appropriate to it, and let go of the circumstance to be more fully aware of the next situation. It is this ability to stay with the present circumstances that results in a more balanced and even temperament for those who are mindful. John Weaver, Psy.D. http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/07/mindfulness_in_a_busy_world.html http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/07/mindfulness_in_a_busy_world.html Sun, 27 Jul 2008 10:49:11 +0000 One of the struggles of mindfulness is that it often puts us into contact with our own tiredness. Most Americans are functioning on less sleep than they need. In addition we get lower levels of activity due to jobs that are sedentary and we do not always eat properly resulting in uneven energy throughout the day. So when we slow down to practice a mindfulness exercise, we find ourselves sleepy. When we encounter sleepiness, the best answer is to mindfully acknowledge that as an opportunity to take better care of ourselves. Make decisions to follow a regular sleep/wake rhythm, to get more activity, and to eat foods that will provide good energy during our day. It is less useful to give over our mindfulness to napping. In the same way that distressing or uncomfortable thoughts often arise in mindfulness, and we acknowledge them and let them go, so too it is useful to not the tiredness but to make the choice to stay with the mindful awareness rather than giving into the urge to nap. John Weaver, Psy.D. http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/07/sleepiness_and_mindfulness.html http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/07/sleepiness_and_mindfulness.html Mon, 14 Jul 2008 12:15:06 +0000 The practice of mindfulness is introduced as a mental exercise, with careful attention drawn to inner experience. However, there is also a component of mindfulness that includes the physical dimension of experience as well. In all of the spiritual disciplines that involve some aspects of mindful awareness, the monks who practice it are also committed to a discipline of physical labor as part of the practice. This is actually supported by the neurological organization of our brains. There is a major circuit of the brain (neurons that work together) that ties the emotional centers, the thought centers, and physical work, especially work involving our hands, together. Thoughts, emotions, and physical movement mutually influence each other. It is artificial to think of them as separate. So practice mindfulness when you are engaging in physical movement too. You might notice that mindful movement helps to bring the emotions and thoughts into better balance. John Weaver, Psy.D. http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/06/physical_mindfulness.html http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/06/physical_mindfulness.html Mon, 16 Jun 2008 11:31:37 +0000 The word compassion comes from two Latin words that literally mean "to suffer with." The act of compassion involves mindfully opening up to the sufferings and struggles of others, particularly those who are less fortunate. It is tempting to insulate myself from the pain of another person so that I can preserve my momentary pleasant feeling. Yet the scientific studies of mindfulness practitioners demonstrate that the practice of mindful compassion is much more strongly associated with happiness than any other mindful practice or any other mental state. How can this be? How can the willingness to open myself to the sufferings of others lead to happiness? It must be understood that this type of happiness is not equal to physical pleasure. This is happiness that comes out of feeling greater satisfaction with how I am choosing to live my life. The reason human beings have been successful as a species in this world is because of our ability to cooperate and form communities. Humans are not as strong, nor as fast, and do not have the acute sensory abilities of other animals. The thing we do better than any other living creature is work together, even passing on knowledge from previous generations. The ability to be compassionate, to reach beyond individual pain to share in each others pain, is a fundamental part of this ability to be successful in the world. Opening up to the pain of another person is part of being fully human. John Weaver, Psy.D. http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/06/compassion.html http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/06/compassion.html Tue, 03 Jun 2008 10:58:31 +0000 The great mythological heroes of history engage in a frightening journey in which they confront foes with amazing destructive power and they also must confront inner weaknesses and human failings. The inner struggle is often the most important struggle in these stories. These myths have an allure to humans because the struggle of the hero is actually our struggle. We confront events and circumstances that hold the potential for devastating our lives. At the same time we must come to terms with our own failings and weakness. The failure to do so is often far more destructive to our life's journey than the external events. As mindfulness becomes a deepening practice, it is common to become more aware, not only of the present moment. or of the strengths we possess (that is part of being mindfully aware) but also of the weaknesses and failing within that threaten our ability to live in a manner that is true to our deepest values. It takes courage to acknowledge this inner struggle. Yet with mindful awareness and the willingness to make decisions that reflect who we choose to be, we too engage in our own hero's (or heroine's) journey. John Weaver, Psy.D. http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/05/a_sometimes_frightening_journe.html http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/05/a_sometimes_frightening_journe.html Wed, 28 May 2008 14:21:26 +0000 I sometimes hear speakers talk about creating good habits for mental events that will make the benefits of being mindful become automatic. I understand the reasoning behind this hope. We can make many complex physical tasks automatic by repeated practice (e.g., riding a bicycle) so it seems logical to extend this to complex mental tasks. In my opinion, however, I do not think it is possible to do it. Automatic physical skills allow the conscious portion of the brain to focus on goals for action. The physical skills will support the achievement of those goals. In other words, physical skills are not pursued for their own sake but because they allow us to engage in tasks we consciously choose to be important. Choosing an action or an attitude that brings real happiness in life ought to be a conscious choice. Imagine being happy but not noticing it! We develop habits so that we can choose to engage in awareness of the important things in life. So, while I believe that regular practice with mindfulness will provide a familiarity with being conscious of my life, I do not ever want that process to become automatic. I want to live my life consciously, making the important choices that will move me toward living in accord with my deepest values. John Weaver, Psy.D. http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/05/living_with_conscious_awarenes.html http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/05/living_with_conscious_awarenes.html Mon, 26 May 2008 13:06:21 +0000 Everyone who attempts to establish a mindfulness practice will have to face the challenge of boredom. Taking the time to sit in a quiet place and focus on the breath results in a greater awareness of all aspects of experience. And boredom is an aspect of experience. In our current society, is seems as though there are a lot of products that are aimed at alleviating this "problem." We have hundreds of channels on television, we have radios/CD players in our vehicles. We have portable MP3 players, some that allow connection to the web so we can view email or stock quotes at any time. With all of this, human still become bored. It can be quite helpful to become mindful of the boredom in your life and of the ways you react to it. It can be quiet helpful to become more tolerant boredom so that you will have the ability to let go of the reactive rush to fill the space with something else and to see the small and subtle things in your life that you may have otherwise overlooked. The next time you face boredom in your mindfulness practice, treat it as you would any other experience and see what you can learn from it. John Weaver, Psy.D. http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/05/the_challenge_of_boredom.html http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/05/the_challenge_of_boredom.html Wed, 21 May 2008 10:57:13 +0000 One image that I use with my mindfulness practice is the image of being a mountain. Storms of emotion come up just like rainstorms and snowstorms come up and batter the mountain for a time. Then these storms pass on, and the mountain remains. There are times of emotional distress that occur in everyone's life. Mindfulness is not a way of escaping this, it is a way of being aware of the emotional distress while holding it in a bigger context. The mountain does not need to flee or even be frightened by storms. Storms arise, last for a while, and then move on. The mountain is not destroyed by the storm, it is simply one of many events that occur. Emotions, like storms are constantly changing. It can be quite helpful to learn that the distress that I feel now is not a permanent condition (even though it can feel like it sometimes). It can be quite helpful to remember that there is something more stable, at a deeper level, than the painful emotions of a particular moment. Mindfulness does not prevent emotional distress, but it allows us to see it differently, in a broader context. John Weaver, Psy.D. http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/05/times_of_emotional_distress.html http://preventingdepression.com/blog/2008/05/times_of_emotional_distress.html Wed, 14 May 2008 10:56:08 +0000